this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i came on her dog
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
