Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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