i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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