this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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