Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
