Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
