What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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