SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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