dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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