i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I need moral support for this bender
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
