You can't special order awesome
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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