Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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