Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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