If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
