I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
