Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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