I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
