and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
