Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
