Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
