Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My bed smells like the plague
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