were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
