I want to walk on stilts...naked
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
