You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
