he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
