I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
