I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
