I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
