Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
