I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
