This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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