I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
