First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
