maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
