hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
