Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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