Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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