when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
