he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
