so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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