Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
