I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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