she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
