If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
