ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
