Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
