you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i've created a new STD.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
