The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
