I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
