Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
