R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
